


As It Was

by BroImLooking



Series: dream smp fics [6]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Demon Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Implied Past Dream/George, Implied/Referenced Cheating, It's Less Comfort and More Acceptance, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Mild Injury, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29194299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BroImLooking/pseuds/BroImLooking
Summary: Fundy gets a late night visitor in Drywaters.Title taken from "As It Was" by Hozier. Matches this story's vibes pretty well.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/Floris | Fundy
Series: dream smp fics [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2161431
Comments: 10
Kudos: 116





	As It Was

**Author's Note:**

> just as a general warning neither dream or fundy are doing too well in this one lol

Fundy wondered if his suffering was some type of divine punishment.

He’d never held much belief in things like that. It was hard to hold much stock in gods and such when he’d met a few of them personally. He’d seen enough evil in the world to know it rarely went punished, especially by beings as fickle as gods. 

That was what he’d always tried to tell himself, anyways. It was hard to believe that he hadn’t done anything to deserve his fate when it seemed like everything in his life was being taken from him.

His mother was gone. His father was dead. The rest of his family hated him, and he hated them right back. His country was gone, destroyed and warped so many times from its original image that it didn't feel like home anymore. The looming threat of its destruction always hung over his and the other citizen’s heads like thunderclouds.

And then, at the end of everything, just when he’d thought that he’d secured himself one good thing, Dream had left him.

It had to be punishment. Bad things don't happen to good people like this. Not this consistently, anyways. He must have done something to deserve this. He didn’t want to believe the world he lived in was so unjust.

He wondered if it was falling in love with Dream that had doomed him.

The demon-god stalked his thoughts more and more as evidence piled higher and higher that Dream was just as horrible, if not worse, than he had been in all of Wilbur’s scary stories. 

If Fundy were a good man he never would’ve fallen in love with him at all. There had just been something so alluring about him. Maybe it was the way his soft voice could become wickedly sharp and dangerous, his words alternating from as soothing as a cool breeze or as cutting as a sword. Maybe it was his sheer strength and intelligence, practically unmatched by all but Technoblade. 

Maybe it was because the first time Fundy had seen him, he’d been covered in blood, breathing heavily, and some dark, animalistic part of Fundy craved the danger. 

He gazed up at the night sky, at the millions of stars, feeling wretched in his dusty fur, clogged with the red sand of the place he'd wanted so much to be his fresh start. 

The land was devastatingly hot in the day, but turned frigid enough to make a human without fur like his freeze at night. The air was so dry it cracked the pads of his paws and the bud of his nose. It was nothing like the cool dampness of the L'manburg he'd lived in for his entire life.

It felt wrong. Red foxes weren't built for deserts. He was built for cold forests with rain that got so cold that everything froze over in every season other than summer. He was built for stalking through evergreens in search of sweetberries and the occasional thick-furred rabbit. 

But he was tired of submitting to his nature. He was tired of being an idiot fueled by emotion and nothing else. He stood and shook the red sand from his coat and tried to ignore the fact that he'd been crying. The short fur on his face felt tacky with drying tears and clinging dust. 

Pathetic.

Maybe everything his father had thought about him was right. He was nothing more than a child on the inside. He hadn’t been ready for a relationship. He hadn’t been good enough, and Dream cheated on him and then left him and-

Frustrated, he wiped his face clean the best he could and shook his head as if he could physically knock the bad thoughts loose.

He was an idiot to think someone as powerful and destructive as Dream would ever actually love him back, anyways. A creature like that wasn’t meant to form attachments. Demons weren’t supposed to be able to love, and he was an idiot to think otherwise.

He wondered if it was possible to die from heartbreak. He didn't think he was too far off, if he didn’t stop wallowing in self-pity. 

He sniffled and walked over to his line of chests and began to sort through them to find a water bucket. After retrieving a mostly-empty bucket of warm water, he drank some, and stuck his cracked, bleeding hands into the last little bit of water that remained in the bottom. His paw pads, unused to so much work in the dry heat, were suffering the most.

He closed his eyes as he let his paws soak, letting the brief moment of comfort soothe him. 

"I knew you'd be awake. You always were a night owl." 

Fundy flinched and turned around so fast he dropped the bucket, and the spilled water instantly sunk into the sand. He'd recognize that voice anywhere.

Dream. Of course it was Dream.

He looked as intimidating as ever, in the low light of his glowing black armor. He always seemed to radiate an aura of power. He seemed relaxed, but Fundy knew him well enough to tell when he was tense and stressed. Fundy pinned his ears back and felt his fur begin to stand on end.

He hadn't brushed his fur in days, and he was caked in grime. His hands were still bleeding, and his nose had scabs. He looked just as hideous and wretched as he felt. He bared his teeth despite the chapped edges of his mouth in a snarl.

"What do you want? You have no business here." His voice came out somehow even harsher than he’d intended. His throat was sore from crying, but it only made him sound like he was growling.

"Can we talk?" Dream asked, his voice smooth and soft, and Fundy felt the breath momentarily leave his lungs.

He should say no. He should tell him to go fuck himself. He left to get away from Dream. Dream betrayed him. Dream left him at their own wedding. Dream...

No. He needed to stand his ground. 

“I don’t want to talk to you. I came here to get away from you,” Fundy spat at him, allowing his fur to fluff up to its fullest extent. He must’ve looked feral. Dream took a step back, as if Fundy actually stood a chance at fighting. Fundy felt a small amount of satisfaction underneath the sudden rush of anger that filled him.

“Fundy, I just-” Dream started to say, but Fundy cut him off. 

“You don’t get to track me down out here at who-fucking-knows o’clock to try and manipulate me!” He yelled, his long bushy tail lashing, stirring up dust. Dream raised his hands in surrender, and Fundy wished that he would take off that stupid mask so he could see what he was feeling. 

“You’re a monster, Dream. You’re sick in the head,” Fundy continued, taking a step forward. Dream took another step back. If Fundy didn’t know any better, he’d think he saw Dream’s hands shaking from where he had them raised.

He was still wearing the diamond ring Fundy had given him. Fundy felt like lava was rising in the back of his throat. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to vomit or scream or both. 

“I don’t want anything to do with you. You fucking cheated on me, and then left me at our wedding,” Fundy’s voice was a low growl, but he was close enough to Dream for him to hear it. “You don’t give a shit about anything other than yourself.”

There was a long beat of silence. Dream didn’t respond, and aside from Fundy’s heavy breathing and the distant sound of hostile mobs, the night was silent. 

“I…” Dream said, and his voice cracked. His hands dropped to his sides, clenched into fists. “I dethroned George, you know,” His voice was a little more rough than it had been before. “I felt bad about what I did, so I-” Fundy cut him off. 

“You think that excuses the fact that you fucking cheated on me? That you left me at the altar? Or even aside from that, you think I’m ready to just let go all of the other horrible shit you’ve done?” Fundy stomped towards him, and Dream only took a couple of steps back before Fundy shoved him. The thorns on Dream’s armor dug into his already sore paws, tearing them open. He didn’t care. Dream took a stumbling step back, but Fundy continued.

“I was ready to forgive you for all of the problems you caused L’manburg, Dream. Because I fucking loved you.” Fundy shoved him again, harder this time, and Dream stumbled to the ground, falling backwards onto his ass onto the red sand. “But you didn’t give a shit about me. You were just using me for power, weren’t you? Because that’s all you seem to give a shit about.” 

“Fundy, please-” 

“No, Dream! You don’t get to ask anything from me.” Fundy said, standing over him with his sharp teeth bared. He didn’t know when he’d started crying again. “I was willing to look away while you hurt my friends and family, and even then I wasn’t good enough for you, was I? Because I’m never fucking good enough.” 

“I love you too,” Dream said, and it was only then that Fundy realized that he was crying too. Dream was shaking with sobs, and Fundy was filled with conflicting feelings of guilt and satisfaction.

Dream reached up and took his mask off with shaking hands, revealing his face. 

Once upon a time, the sight of Dream’s face would’ve made Fundy’s heart flutter. He remembered how happy he had always been to see him, just so that he could press little kisses to every inch of exposed skin. Ignoring the number of teeth he had, and the unnaturally flat eyes. He almost looked human, with his face puffy and nose runny from crying. 

“I’m sorry,” Dream said, voice choked with emotion, and Fundy felt his heart break all over again. He knew from past experience that Dream had a hard time speaking when he was upset, and he especially had a hard time apologizing, even when he knew he was in the wrong. 

All of the little bits and pieces of personal information only made things so much more bittersweet. Fundy let out a sigh, the anger slowly leaving him. He sat down onto the ground next to Dream, keeping a good few feet between them. 

“I-” Dream started, but Fundy interrupted him sharply.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” Dream shut his mouth and looked away. Even in that moment, with all of the bad blood between them, Fundy couldn’t help but find him pretty. It was like his brain was at war. Some small, stupid part of himself wanted to press close to him. Wanted to hug him and reassure him that they were fine, and that Fundy would be there for him despite everything. 

The more logical part of him scolded him for even thinking about it. 

After a few minutes of sitting there, Dream stood. Fundy expected him to leave, but all that he did was methodically pull all of his armor off and sit back down in the sand where he had been. He must’ve been cold, in only his thin hoodie and pants to protect him from the chill of the night air, but he didn’t show it. 

Moments passed in silence, and Fundy looked up at the stars. Next to him, Dream gazed up as well. 

Fundy didn’t think he’d stopped and sat down to really appreciate the beauty of the night sky since he was a child studying constellations with his father. Out here in the desert, where there were no clouds to obscure the sky, the light from the stars was more than enough to see by, even after Fundy had put all of the torches out. 

“Mortals have always been fascinated with the night sky,” Dream said, his voice still rough. Fundy didn’t look away from the sky, but he didn’t interrupt him like he had before. He flicked his ear to indicate that he was listening, and Dream continued.

“You always come up with these myths. You connect them to your gods and goddesses. You tell stories about how they reached the heavens. You find patterns and shapes, and give them meaning.”

“You must think we’re stupid,” Fundy said, not even trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice as he traced the familiar patterns with his eyes. He found comfort in the stars, and he wasn’t going to let Dream take that from him.

“I don’t think that at all,” Dream said, and Fundy could see out of the corner of his eye that Dream had looked down from the stars to face him. Fundy kept his eyes trained on the biggest, brightest star in the sky. The one that his father had always pointed to as a sign of guidance. 

“I don’t understand it. I never have. But I don’t think it’s stupid.” If Dream had expected that to start a conversation, he was wrong. Fundy didn’t respond to him, and Dream fell silent once more. The minutes dragged on for eons. 

"Does it make me a bad person that I'm more upset about you cheating than everything else you've done?" Fundy asked. He had a feeling that this was going to be the last time he and Dream talked for a long, long time. It was an equal parts question and confession. He wanted to get that off of his chest while he still could.

“I don’t know,” Dream said honestly, shrugging. “Am I a bad person because the only thing that I regret is messing up with you?” Dream’s voice was still rough, but he’d gone back to his usual tone. Fundy had always loved how Dream spoke. It was almost like he was reciting poetry from memory. 

“Definitely,” Fundy answered immediately. Dream laughed, and Fundy cracked a small smile. It had always felt so easy with Dream. He really did love him. At some point, the two had both moved to be lying on their backs in the soft sand, still gazing upwards. They were only inches apart. If Fundy moved just a little closer, then his fur would brush against the sleeve of Dream’s hoodie.

"Can I fix us?" Dream asked softly. It felt like only seconds had passed, but the movement of the moon indicated that the two had been sitting there together for hours. The stars had started to vanish into the light of the day as the first hints of sunlight stained the black sky. The temperature had started to rise a little, but it was still cold.

“No, Dream,” Fundy said, voice just as soft as Dream’s. “I don’t think you can.” He looked over to Dream only to find that he was already looking back at him. He didn’t look surprised, only resigned. He’d known the answer before he’d asked it. 

“I suppose this was my plan all along,” Dream said, meeting his gaze. He had stopped crying a while ago, but the areas around his eyes were still red. “No attachments. I wanted to be stronger. I didn’t realize it would hurt so much.”

“You’re an idiot,” Fundy responded, and left it at that. He had no desire to even try to understand the demon’s logic. Dream chuckled and looked back up. The pale beginnings of dawn made him look ethereal. 

It was about the time normal people would be waking, and Fundy only realized then how exhausted he was. He wasn’t ready for sleep. Not with Dream here. Not when he was positive that this was a goodbye of some type. Dream’s shitty attempt at offering him closure. 

“For the record,” Dream said, as Fundy fought to keep his eyelids open. “I really do love you too, Fundy.” He might have said something more, but Fundy’s eyes had slipped shut, and he’d fallen asleep almost immediately. 

He woke up with a familiar bright green hoodie laid over him like a blanket and Dream nowhere to be seen. The sun burned hot in the sky, and Fundy felt sand clogging his fur. He gripped the green cloth tightly in his hands and stared at it, feeling a painful warmth in his chest. The dried red of the blood on his paws stained the green.

It was finally time to move on.

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote most of this fic months ago, back when Fundy first left the plot to establish drywaters, so its a little out of date. i liked the vibes tho so here we are
> 
> please drop a comment if you enjoyed. this was rlly cathartic to write.


End file.
